So you’re new to anime and want to get into it or you haven’t been connected to the community in a while and want to come back, but you’re too lazy to catch up with the latest saviour of anime? Well, you’re in luck! Today I will be giving you the perfect guide for a lazy weeb apprentice such as yourself to get into the amazing world of NEEETs and shut-in nerds, that is anime. Last week I proved that it isn’t ok for anime to be in the mainstream, so now, you want to get back into the exclusive nerd club? Well, read on, as I will show you the simple guide to returning to the mad world of anime!
Now the first step for anyone who wants to get in touch with the anime community is to watch Sword Art Online. In the year 2022, virtual reality has progressed by leaps and bounds, and a massive online role-playing game called Sword Art Online (SAO) is launched. With the aid of “NerveGear” technology, players can control their avatars within the game using nothing but their own thoughts. Cool right? wrong this anime is not for enjoyment, by no means are you allowed to like Sword Art Online, the reason for you to watch it is so you can talk to everyone about how bad it was, even if you did like it, never admit it, lie to yourself if you have to, but you always have to talk about Sword Art Online negatively. Although you are not allowed to enjoy this anime, it’s still a very nice introduction to all the worst aspects of anime, so I guess another purpose it has is to make you appreciate it even more whenever you stumble into a real gem among anime.
Speaking of gems, the next thing you will have to do is is to watch Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, this anime is highly praised by otakus around the world and is a real gem when it comes to quality content the story of brothers Edward and Alphonse Elric are raised by their mother Trisha Elric in the remote village of Resembool in the country of Amestris. … Upon returning home, the two decide to try to bring their mother back to life with alchemy. Don’t even bother with the 2003 original adaptation, nobody cares about it (it doesn’t follow the manga) and thus is ignored by most, however, there is a bonus in it for you if you decide to watch, you will be accepted into the higher class of anime elitists, there you will learn about the anime nobody knows but are secretly great, though once you step into that circle there is no return and you will be forever scorned if you watch mainstream anime again.
So now you have watched all the main anime, the need to know ones, it’s time you were set on the path of good. A highly recommended anime that is a must watch for any anime fan, despite not even being that great, is Death Note, short catchy title, you may think it sounds like a suicide type thing, well you good sir, are in for a ride. Although I personally don’t think it’s as great as some say it is, it’s still one of the best anime you can start with, the story goes, a god of death, can kill any person, if they see their victim’s face and write their name in a notebook called a Death Note. Bored, Ryuk, becomes interested in seeing how a human would use a Death Note, so he drops one into the human realm. Student prodigy Light Yagami stumbles upon the Death Note and tests the deadly notebook by writing a criminal’s name in it. When the criminal dies immediately following his experiment with the Death Note, Light is greatly surprised and quickly recognises how devastating the power that has fallen into his hands could be. With this divine capability, Light decides to extinguish all criminals in order to build a new world where crime does not exist and people worship him as a god. Police, however, quickly discover that a serial killer is targeting criminals and, consequently, try to apprehend the culprit. To do this, the Japanese investigators count on the assistance of the best detective in the world: a young and eccentric man known only by the name of L. This one will test your morals, it will change your perspective on crime and criminals and whether you will side with L or Light, you will definitely come back from this series with a new mind.
Another anime for you to watch that everyone who knows anime and their grandma watched is Attack On Titan (Shingeki No Kyojin), this anime is not for the faint of heart, seriously, the gore count of this anime is OVER 9000!!! (Watch Dragon Ball Z to get the reference). If you haven’t heard of this anime then you haven’t been on the internet long, as the only thing ever when on the internet when it came out was Attack On Titan when it came out on the 7th of April 2013. Centuries ago, mankind was slaughtered to near extinction by monstrous humanoid creatures called Titans, forcing humans to hide in fear behind enormous concentric walls. What makes these giants truly terrifying is that their taste for human flesh is not born out of hunger but what appears to be out of pleasure. To ensure their survival, the remnants of humanity began living within defensive barriers, resulting in one hundred years without a single Titan encounter. However, that fragile calm is soon shattered when a colossal Titan manages to breach the supposedly impregnable outer wall, reigniting the fight for survival against the man-eating abominations. After witnessing a horrific personal loss at the hands of the invading creatures, Eren Yeager dedicates his life to their eradication by enlisting into the Survey Corps, an elite military unit that combats the merciless humanoids outside the protection of the walls. Sounds decent right? That’s because it is, even today when the second season came out this year after 4 years of waiting, this anime was still hyped up and still has the otaku community in its hands go watch it, you will not regret it.
Next up is JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, doesn’t matter which one, just pick one and watch it, simple right? (Still, I recommend you pick the original one in order to gain a deeper understating of the roots of the meme). I promise you have never seen anything like Jojo’s before. Kujo Jotaro is a normal, popular Japanese high-schooler until he thinks that he is possessed by a spirit, and locks himself in prison. After seeing his grandfather, Joseph Joestar, and fighting Joseph’s friend Muhammad Abdul, Jotaro learns that the “Spirit” is actually Star Platinum, his Stand, or fighting energy given a semi-solid form. Later, his mother gains a Stand and becomes sick. Jotaro learns that it is because the vampire Dio Brando has been revived 100 years after his defeat to Jonathan Joestar, Jotaro’s great-great-grandfather. Jotaro decides to join Joseph and Abdul on a trip to Egypt to defeat Dio once and for all. This will get you started on the journey to discovering the memology of anime, essentially, everything is just Jojo’s references and you need to know this in and only when you have perfected the pose will you be accepted as a fellow otaku.
But wait,that’s not all for memes, another must watch in order to understand the darker more depressing memes, you need to watch School Days, now like SAO you cannot and will not enjoy this, you will gain the ability of understanding what a truly horrible abomination of an anime is, hits the stranger aspects of a “dark” series in all the bad ways. Just watch it and you will know what I’m talking about. High school student Makoto Itou first notices Kotonoha Katsura at the start of his second semester, freshman year. Immediately, he becomes entranced by her beauty, but his bashfulness doesn’t allow him to approach her, even though they ride the same train every day. Instead, he snaps a photo of her in secret and sets it as his cell phone’s wallpaper: a charm that, if kept under wraps, would supposedly help you realise your love. However, classmate Sekai Saionji spots the picture, but instead of ratting him out, she offers to help set him up with Kotonoha—going so far as befriending her just for him. Thus, the trio begins a rather impromptu friendship. You will be genuinely surprised at just how bad an anime can be, trust me it can be a real eye opener. Seriously though, this anime is only meant for meme purposes and if you don’t want to lose the few morals you may have left or any sense of dignity, don’t watch it.
Discordia’s Note: Don’t do it if you still possess the will to live. ಠ_ಠ
But the meme is not over, an anime that has become the meme of memes, the overlord of the meme cosmos known as One-Punch Man, the title says it all really, it’s about an egg-headed bald man who can kill anything with one punch, but here is a synopsis anyway; The seemingly ordinary and unimpressive Saitama has a rather unique hobby: being a hero. In order to pursue his childhood dream, he trained relentlessly for three years—and lost all of his hair in the process. Now, Saitama is incredibly powerful, so much so that no enemy is able to defeat him in battle. In fact, all it takes to defeat evildoers is just one punch and this has led to an unexpected problem—he is no longer able to enjoy the thrill of battling and has become quite bored. Comedy, superheroes and a bald guy are generally things that wouldn’t go together but they do and it’s great and you have to watch it. This anime is famous for taking apart the most common trope in any superhero story, where the hero is never strong enough at first but trains to overcome his opponent, this anime solves this problem with the genre by making the main character completely overpowered and it’s quite fun to watch.
Now, on to the most important part of this guide, “The Big 3”, these are regarded as the anime that essentially made people like anime in the first place, but hey, who has time to through 300+ episodes of these, just pick one from Naruto, One Piece and Bleach (pick Bleach, I wrote an article on why bleach is the best of the “Big 3”) and watch the first two or so arcs (around 50-60 episodes) and tell everyone that it’s your favourite anime of “The Big 3”. Now, all you have to do is to be ready to fight to the death for this anime (not really), you will defend it at all costs and you’ll always watch them dubbed because that’s how everyone grew up with them and that’s how you’ll have grown up with them it doesn’t matter if you watched it as a kid or not, just say you have nobody will judge, as long as you watched the first two arcs, which are generally regarded as the best across the board, then it’s fine to lie about it a bit.
And here is where we get to THE most, most important part of the guide. Aside from “The Big 3”, you will have to agree that subbed is always, better than dubbed. No questions asked. Though there are some instances such as Code Geass or Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, where some (myself included) enjoyed the dub more than the sub and the consensus is that they’re on par with each other, however, these are rare, you will almost never encounter a situation where the dub is just as good as the sub, and you will never, absolutely 100% never, find an anime that is better dubbed than subbed, they don’t exist and if you want to be a member of our toxic community of shut-in NEETs then all that’s next is that you’ll have to shun all those heretics who dare watch anime dubbed.
And now you are ready to step into the grand world of anime, be sure to keep yourself safely inside your LOCKED room because let’s face it, you don’t want your parents catching you watching these darn tootin’ Chinese cartoons that they hate. Now that you have been fully introduced to the community, be sure to hate on Sword Art Online, Love Fullmetal Alchemist, and fight to the death for your favourite “Big 3”. Also if you’re lost on how to get to watch new anime just go to the My Anime List website to find the trending anime and a synopsis for them. You can find most of these anime on Crunchyroll for free, so watch them at your leisure. Thanks for reading, and for more like this, you can check back here every single week!